Protect Our Children

From The Promoters of The Christian Agenda, Their Groomers and Other Pedophiles

(note: this is intentional satire and does not reflect my views on religion or religious people. Most of the narrative was created by paraphrasing anti-trans/lgbtqia+ articles written by others and then substituting religion, specifically Christianity, as the subject)

Former Vice President Mike Pence recently spoke at the University of Virginia and he told students:

“Look, I believe marriage is between a man and a woman, I believe in traditional marriage, and I believe marriage was ordained by God and instituted in the law, but we live in a pluralistic society, and the way we go forward, and the way we come together as a country united, I believe, is when we respect: Your right to believe and my right to believe what we believe,”

So, with his own oft-repeated homophobic and transphobic words and all the legal efforts to silence and erase LGBTQ people that he supports, Mr. Pence somehow sees himself as open-minded and respectful? WOW. However, he’s given us the solution. We RESPECT each other by following HIS ‘Christian’ example. For example:

As a concerned parent maybe I should advocate pushing for legislation that makes it a crime for teachers to use texts, symbols, or materials that represent or educate about religion and disallow them to have any evidence of their own personal religious identity in elementary school (or any school).

This is NOT just hypothetical. My own elementary school-aged child has a teacher who wears a cross, has religious quotes in her classroom as ‘inspirational messages’, and who just recently spoke to my daughter’s class about the beautiful Christian church wedding she had for her son.

This ‘teacher’, or maybe we should just drop the pretense and call her a Christianity Indoctinator, is trying to confuse our kids with the Christian Agenda and indoctrinate them into her religion. Did you realize, as I recently found out as said concerned and nosy parent, that most public school libraries include BIBLES? Why do we allow our innocent children to be exposed to narratives from biblical texts that include polygamy, murder, and rape? After all, these narratives have been used for centuries to support slavery, child marriages, and murder. Christian rituals promote minors drinking alcohol and metaphorical cannibalism for goodness sake!

As a parent, don’t I have the right to mold and conform my child into my own image? Why should I allow schools to corrupt them with religious indoctrination or, almost as bad, knowledge of religions and with the WOKE notion of tolerance for religions or those who identify with them?

As a rational human, I don’t want my children seduced by simplistic magical thinking, they should be learning sane academic subjects like math, science and English! Religion is based on faith, not facts. Christians say they are the children/progeny of some elusive and ambiguous GOD. Can they prove it? Apparently, they have a spirit that lives forever and this whole afterlife thing but aren’t they really just plain old biologically evolved hominids with imaginary best friends and other degenerate ideas and behaviors?

Yep, you’re just ‘biological hominids’, not divine, sorry!

I could refuse to do freelance work for these ‘biological hominids’ for the same reasons. Why would I want to make wedding invitations or websites for Christian couples who have such bizarre fixed beliefs about evolution, gender, and sexuality? Societal collapse always seems to be brought about by these strange religious ‘biological hominids’ who are often too eager to destroy others at the behest of their convictions and “God’s Idea”. How many wars have been caused or legitimized by religion (*cough* Ukraine)?

Back to “protecting children” though. Given the sad state of children being victimized in the Catholic church and at other parochial institutions, I could frame my rationale as a way to protect children from grooming by pedophiles. Why would we ever want to encourage kids to be religious ‘biological hominids’ so that they can be sexually coerced by clergy, or worse become like THEM?

What we REALLY need to do is eradicate Christianity to protect our children, women and civilization.

note: this is NOT promoting genocide y’all, because Christianity is not a person, but an ideology

I could do all those things above and encourage others to fight alongside me. I could do so and even claim that I respect Mr. Pence’s beliefs and Christians' right to believe what they want. The problem is, all the claims I made above suffer from multiple cognitive distortions and biases. I know that they don’t fairly or accurately describe the complexities of religion or religious people. Even as comedic satire, this essay makes my skin crawl and I am uncomfortable posting it, because I know it is essentially hate speech.

Perhaps then, the main thing that separates me from people like Mike Pence and his compatriots in the attempt to frame LBGTQ folk as corrupting and contemptible is ignorance and intellectual honesty…

…and also the Golden Rule, which apparently they never covered adequately in HIS Sunday School classes….