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Eislyn Wolf
The bumps in the road are the most interesting parts

It turns out J.K. Rowling and I have a lot in common. We are both educated, white women. We are both mothers. We both love fantasy and Harry Potter. However, she has argued against many of these similarities in a rather lengthy essay and other posts on social media. Apparently to her, I am not a woman, certainly not a mother, but we are both afraid of men in dresses.

Our reasons might be different. I am terrified of the rampant homophobia and transphobia in our cultural narrative and media; a media where a man in a dress is the…

Your masculine fragility does not entitle you to dehumanize us

The Hierophant and the Tower, by Eislyn Wolf
The Hierophant and the Tower, by Eislyn Wolf

CECILIA and VIC met on a dating site where Cecilia is public about being a transgender woman in her profile. Although passionate at first, the relationship was ambiguous after Vic left town and he started ignoring her. Cecilia figured it was over, but was trying to stay friendly. Recently Vic sent her a sweet Valentine's message saying “I’d like to talk to you, lots of love”. Now on a Zoom call, after some initial small talk, he brings up that he wants to clear the air about their dating experience together:

Vic: “I was having a lot of difficulty with…

The Saturn and Jupiter conjunction has brought many things to my mind. I am not a scholar of astrology or of the tarot, but both contain powerful symbols with which I create art and meaning out of the questionably meaningless struggles of life. Our nation, our world, is at a crucial juxtaposition. It is hard not to see my own struggles as an echo of these global events. It is the Time of the Hierophant.

The Hierophant is the champion of an ordered society, where social obligations and duties are meted out and enforced, much as Saturn holds us to…

Dec 2019,‘ ’Mischief’ by Eislyn Wolf

Once upon a time there was a girl who wanted to look coyly over her shoulder and be admired, just like the beautiful girls in the movies.

When she was little, she was taught that saying no was wrong. So, she said yes to everything. There was a part of herself that this was hurting, but it was a mischievous part that wasn’t welcome. So, it was forced to hide inside of her, leaping out at strangers when least expected to scare them on the rocky darkly twisted paths. These unsuspecting passerby’s surprise, fear, or distress made her feel a…

A Photovoice essay project

Over the last year I have created over a hundred artworks beginning with the phrase,

“Once upon a time there was a girl…”

They are my hidden story. When I reveal a new layer I feel terrified; I am way TOO MUCH, a histrionic bitch, and Not Good Enough. Why should anyone listen to me? So many old voices tell me to hide my story away — echoes from a child, assigned male at birth, who only knew it was shameful to feel like a girl and want to be treated as such, shameful to have…

It is funny how little things sometimes make you stop and realize how far you have come.

Today I went to the office at the condo complex where I just moved into a studio apartment to get a member ID so that I can take my girls to the pool. It didn’t occur to me they would take a picture.

I was disheveled from a very emotional, hard day at work and two hours of unpacking. I have never liked my picture being taken since quite young because I couldn’t stand to see myself as masculine. Plus, I knew I…

On October 5th of this year I turned one year old. I had a party. Tacos with friends, and then dancing afterwards. It was the party I’d always wanted to have. I was just myself, exactly how I wanted to be, and they came for that. For me. For Eislyn.

It is a strange childhood, since I am the parent and the child. Eislyn was just a name for something I had always struggled to put into words. A dream of Spring. I’ve known her since I was a small child, but didn’t realize that she was anything more than…

When I was about twelve years old my brother introduced me to Anne Mccaffrey and her Dragonriders of Pern series. My favorite by far was her smaller series set in the same universe, written for teens, that starred the Harper, Menolly. I did not understand that in Menolly I glimpsed my true soul, my doppelganger. A child suffering from emotional neglect and abuse, who was not allowed to be her true self. …

warning: this story contains graphic descriptions of attempted suicide

There’s me, age fifteen, wanting desperately to tell my truth. My parents had finally let me grow my hair long the year when I started High School. I cut half of it short, left the other side long.

Girl In a Jar by Eislyn, 1990

” I’m a lesbian trapped in a boy’s body”, I told my most trusted friend, in mock jest. I knew it was deadly serious.

J., another good friend, was o.k. With gay people — so long as they didn’t touch him. He’d have to ‘kick their ass’ if they did. Most of my…

For most of my young and adult life I had been plagued by aches and pains and health issues that perplexed doctors and always ended up being put in the category “Functional Disorder”. Generally I think doctors give that diagnosis when they think it is all in your head.

Dysphoric Prisoner, by Eislyn

In a sense they were right, my mind and the lies it believed held my body a hostage. I now believe that when I deny the heart its truth, the body cannot tolerate the deception.

I was taught to look a certain way, to act a certain way, to chase a…

Eislyn Wolf

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